Go Go Go Go Go Go Go!!!!!

This morning when I dropped M. off for her Fridays, the second she got in the door she turned to me and said, "Um, can you go?"

Fine! Gladly!

Then after work when I picked her up, the second I walked in the door she immediately kicked in with, "Let's go! Let's go! Can we go? I. Want. To. Go!" But, I wanted to have just a 5 minute conversation with The Babysitter Our Cousin. And the whole time M. pulled on my arm and whined and made such a damn racket I wanted to pull my ears off and I was so pissed off at her and wishing I was still at work where it was quiet and no one was pulling on me.

Then we got home, and about one minute after getting inside she began harassing me, except more quietly because she could see she was on dangerous thin ice so instead of loudly proclaiming her desire to "go," she followed me around pointing to the door and mouthing the word, "GO."

That was almost worse.

It was one hour before yoga class and can't I just relax for one damn minute, please?

But there is no relaxing allowed here. Ever.

And when it was finally time to go, what did she do?

Immediately fell asleep in the car.

The big question

M. figured out that since she used to be in my tummy, that I also used to be in Grandma's tummy. Then she asked if her BFF was also in her mommy's tummy. And if her BFF was ever in her daddy's tummy. I said no, just the mommies tummies only. And M. made a swallowing gesture, pointing to her stomach: "like this?"

As if the mommies EAT the babies.

"No, not like that."

Then I froze, afraid of where this was going, and sure enough it went there.

"Then why did the babies get into the tummies?"

Dead when I am sleeping

"I am dead when I am sleeping."... "No dead is if you never stop sleeping--until God wakes you up."... "God wakes me up when it's six o'clock." (So that's how she does it--wakes up every damn morning at 6 sharp without an alarm clock.)

Apple Pie

"We're having apple pie! Yay! I want apple pie! I want apple pie! Can we have apple pie now?"

So excited to clean her plate to get apple pie, which is peculiar, since when it comes right down to it, the child will not actually ever eat pie, ever--or any fruit in any form. But this time was going to be different, she insisted.

Yet sure enough, after all the waiting and excitement over the idea of apple pie, when it was placed in front of her the response was the same: "Um...I guess I don't want it."

And then outrage: "Why are there apples in it!!!???"

Apples in apple pie? Who woulda thought???

WHY IS NO ONE TALKING TO ME!!!???

is the latest annoying social problem we are experiencing, whenever I try to say anything to anyone, or anyone tries to say something to me. Put that with the "Are you talking about me???" anxiety and you can forget any conversation. Just have a drink.

Chip and Dale

Reading "Donald Duck and the Toy Sailboat" for the millionth time and M. pointed out that Chip and Dale have different colored noses: one is red and one is black. Never in my life did I notice that about those chipmunks!

Tom and Jerry in any language

M.'s latest thing is Tom & Jerry, and I'm not surprised at all that she'd go for the violence of it. Today I handed over my netbook to her (the thing is too damn small to use anyway) for her get her Tom & Jerry fix on YouTube, so that I wouldn't have to give up my laptop to her, or hear the wining if I continued my refusal to surrender my laptop.

So now since this has happened once, I'm very sure my netbook will now become the official Tom & Jerry portal.  Today I tried to explain that maybe we should choose a different clip since the one M. chose had Russian writing all over it. I told her, "That one's not in English." Of course she was confused, "What does English means?" Then I realized it doesn't really to matter that some of the Tom & Jerry clips on YouTube are in Russian and various languages, since the show isn't exactly driven by dialogue. So M. can love Tom and Jerry in every language that she wants.

What's your kitty's name?

"Yohnson."

Or maybe it has a different spelling. Who knows?

M. comes up with some strange names for her toys.

Only when she's been drinking

After the big haircut today we went to get the promised ice cream, because M. was good while the lady cut a foot off her hair, trimmed bangs, did extensive texturing all over, etc. Without her glasses on I don't think she could see that all of her hair was being cut off. But I don't think she minded. I could have had her head shaved and she wouldn't have cared as long as ice cream was involved.

At the Baskin Robbins two little girls came in behind us and M. immediately pounced on them, getting right into their faces and demanding to know names, why they were there, what kind of ice cream where they getting, etc. 

The two girls were stunned, but handled it well, only backing away slightly.

"Is she always this friendly?" their dad asked me.

I don't remember what I actually said, but it wasn't as good as what I should have said:

"Only when she's been drinking."

Pizza to go

Pizza worker: "My niece was like until she turned 3."

Me: "Oh...well, we're going on 5 here."

Pizza worker: "Oh....."

Me: "Yeah, I know."

Smarty Pants

Thanks to the Wild Kratts show on our local PBS affiliate, now we know the term "smarty pants."

Simple logic

"Poop is thunder and pee is lightning." (Naturally)

Kindergarten Visitation Day

Parents and kids congregated in the cafeteria, then kids were asked to line up by color coded groupings to follow teachers out to the kindergarten pod, where there are three kindergarten classrooms. With the unfamiliar surroundings and crowd, I wasn't sure if M. would line up in an orderly manner without my help.

But she did.

She walked away from me all on her own, across the cafeteria, got into the right line, locked her hands behind her back just like the other kids, and marched quietly out of the room, without the slightest hesitation, scuffle or outright brawl.

That's when I knew for sure: she is ready.

Bus #200

Driving to gymnastics today we were behind a short bus, to which M. exclaimed, "Hey that's Joseph's bus! Number two-zero-zero." And yes indeed, it was bus #200 we were behind.

Joseph is in her class and I have no doubt she's right about his bus number because she doesn't miss a thing.

Don't lick the inmates

When I talked to M.'s dad via the prison phone yesterday, he mentioned that at a recent visit M. had met one of his friends, and had promptly licked his face.

I didn't see this happen and he never mentioned it until now. Of course I almost died upon hearing the news, and even though you'd think it would be obvious, I still felt the need to expressly state to him that SHE SHOULD NOT BE LICKING THE INMATES! Or anyone!

It's no wonder M. threw up at school today, with all the indiscriminate licking going on. Lately I have seen her lick a door knob, a cat, and the remains of a popped balloon she found on the ground at the park.

She doesn't care about elephants

M. wanted to get her cousin a birthday card to go with his gift.

Me: "I don't think little boys care about birthday cards."
M.: "Yeah, like I don't care about elephants."
Me: ???
M.: "What does CARE means?"

Today did not suck

Took M. to my work so she could have a visual of where I am when she's at school. So she introduced herself to all my coworkers, of course, and said her current stereotype "you're silly" to our admin lead which confused the woman a bit since she wasn't doing anything at all, and I didn't preface the visit with any autism labels so she was just momentarily puzzled then hopefully brushed it off... but it could have gone so much worse and I am grateful for a good day, which was pretty long and started with preschool end of the year party at Naydenov gymnastics, then class picnic at a park, then home for a bit, then visiting my work, then another park. The only crying fits today were at the second park when M. bumped her head like she usually does, and then when she was climbing down a jungle gym ladder and a child approached the ladder from the top, which set M. off screaming because one time someone came down the ladder behind her and stepped on her fingers, therefore irrational fear etched in permanent memory.