Had a nice, mostly civilized lunch (because M. wasn't there) out for my mom's birthday today, except for my dad's usual choking attack like he does at every meal where we ignore it mostly except for keeping one eye on him to make sure he doesn't turn blue, and then later when my mom went to use the restroom and my dad got a call 15 minutes later...from my mom...in the restroom...because she couldn't get out of the so-called ADA approved restroom. No automatic door opener button on the wall. Of course, I went to go let her out right away, as soon as I finished my sandwich.
But by far the highlight of the lunch was when I told my mom a funny/disturbing story/gossip I had heard about one of her old church lady friends and her husband. As usual my dad couldn't hear what we were saying, and for some reason he seemed to want to know even though he usually doesn't care what we are talking about, so my mom was trying to explain it to him in a tactful and quiet way, since we were in public, but he kept cupping his hand to his ear and saying "WHAt???" So that left my mom no choice but to yell:
"We're talking about my friend. Her husband is addicted to porn!"
"Huh? Addicted to what? Corn?"
"No--PORN!"
And of course everyone turned to look.
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